I Can Marry You

I just became a Minister in the Universal Life Church. So, seriously, I can marry you.

And, look, it only took about five minutes! Just signed up, paid the fee, ordered my certification, and voila! I’m a legitimate officiant who can marry people.

As I was printing out the certificate, my husband popped into my office before he left for his bike ride. We made a plan to pick up the turkey when he came back, and I told him I’d probably make the stuffing and the pecan pie this afternoon. Oh, and by the way, I just became a minister.

Imagine his surprise.

No, I had not planned this at all; no, nobody was asking me to be their wedding officiant; no, I don’t plan to go into the marriage business.

In short, here’s the process: you register, pay a fee, then for each state, you take the necessary steps to have the official right to perform the ceremony. In New York, that means registering with each borough — I registered in Queens — but hey, if you’re getting married in Brooklyn, I can get that, too.

Incredible, right?

Here’s why I did it: I am truly thankful for love. I want to be a part of love. I stand for inclusive and affirming marriage options. Man, it would be an honor to officiate someone’s wedding vows.

And this all happened before 9:00 this morning.

There’s no larger message here. Just, look, I can marry you. Happy Thanksgiving.